{"id":743,"date":"2025-10-22T15:37:04","date_gmt":"2025-10-22T15:37:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/eusuntdelia.ro\/?p=743"},"modified":"2025-10-22T15:48:19","modified_gmt":"2025-10-22T15:48:19","slug":"patruzeci-de-zile","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/eusuntdelia.ro\/?p=743","title":{"rendered":"[patruzeci de zile]"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Copila din mine \u00eenc\u0103 m\u0103 caut\u0103, ca s\u0103 o v\u0103d, ca s\u0103-i v\u0103d triste\u021bea cu care a crescut, ca s\u0103-i ascult fricile, s\u0103 o alin. Alinare. Copilul din mine caut\u0103 \u00eenc\u0103 alinare. Iar eu \u00eenc\u0103 \u00eenv\u0103\u021b s\u0103 \u00eei dau ceva ce i-a fost refuzat toat\u0103 via\u021ba. Ceva ce i-am refuzat \u0219i eu.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Copila din mine nu vine niciodat\u0103 cu m\u00e2na goal\u0103. Mereu \u00eemi aduce c\u00e2te-o amintire, c\u00e2te-un cuv\u00e2nt, c\u00e2te-un sentiment pe care trebuie s\u0103 le deslu\u0219esc, ca pe un rebus. Sunt istea\u021b\u0103 eu de fel, dar la chestii d’\u0103stea m\u0103 cam dovede\u0219te. Zilele trecute mi-a adus o amintire care acum \u00eemi \u00eenmoaie obrajii. \u201dTata mi-a f\u0103cut \u0219i-un pic de bine\u201d, \u00eemi spune, iar eu am privit-o suspicioas\u0103, gata-gata s\u0103 o desfiin\u021bez.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Dup\u0103 ce a murit sor\u0103-mea, nop\u021bile erau inamicii mei. Tata b\u00e2ntuia prin cas\u0103 o dat\u0103 la 2 ore, fum\u00e2nd \u0219i golindu-\u0219i mintea \u00een vaporii de alcool. Mama se \u00eentorcea cu fa\u021ba la perete \u0219i pl\u00e2ngea p\u00e2n\u0103 adormea. Eu cutreieram tavanul cu privirea \u0219i \u00eemi num\u0103ram b\u0103t\u0103ile inimii. \u00cenchideam cu putere ochii, s\u0103-mi testez memoria. \u00cemi mai aminteam oare atingerea ei, vocea, privirea, unghiile lungi si rotunde, mersul, z\u00e2mbetul, r\u00e2sul, mustr\u0103rile? De atunci am \u00eenv\u0103\u021bat s\u0103-mi ag\u0103\u021b sim\u021birea de bra\u021bele celor pe care \u00eei iubesc \u0219i s\u0103 \u00eei ciupesc cu palmele fl\u0103m\u00e2nde, ca s\u0103-mi r\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 acolo amprenta atingerii lor.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Noaptea era d\u0103t\u0103toare de o lini\u0219te absurd\u0103. Mama adormea, \u00eel p\u00e2ndeam pe tata s\u0103 a\u021bipeasc\u0103 \u0219i deschideam \u00eencet u\u0219a dormitorului. Scoteam capul pe dup\u0103 tocul u\u0219ii \u0219i priveam pe sub u\u0219a de la sufragerie – era lumin\u0103. Sor\u0103-mea \u00ee\u0219i petrecuse acolo nop\u021bile din ultima var\u0103. Avea o veioz\u0103 cu touch care avea trei trepte de intensitate a luminii \u0219i c\u00e2nd st\u0103tea seara acolo schimba intensit\u0103\u021bile ca \u0219i cum ar fi purtat o conversa\u021bie secret\u0103 cu cineva. Ie\u0219eam din dormitor, m\u0103 apropiam de u\u0219a sufrageriei, o deschideam \u00eencet, iar lumina se stingea sub privirile mele uimite. Inima mi-o lua razna, respiram de parc\u0103 alergasem un semi-maraton, dar tot \u00eemi f\u0103ceam curaj s\u0103 intru. M\u0103 \u00eendreptam alerg\u00e2nd cu pa\u0219i \u00eempiedica\u021bi spre canapea, spre col\u021bul \u00een care st\u0103tea ea de obicei \u0219i m\u0103 a\u0219ezam acolo, ghemuindu-m\u0103, imagin\u00e2ndu-mi c\u0103 m\u0103 a\u0219ezam \u00een bra\u021bele ei \u0219i m\u0103 m\u00e2ng\u00e2ia pe cre\u0219tet. \u00cenchideam ochii \u0219i o vedeam acolo, \u00eei sim\u021beam mirosul, \u00eei vorbeam \u00een g\u00e2nd. M\u0103 g\u0103sea mama dormind \u0219i z\u00e2mbind \u00een somn diminea\u021ba. Nu i-am spus niciodat\u0103 c\u0103 eu sim\u021beam c\u0103 R. era \u00eenc\u0103 acolo, nu m-ar fi crezut oricum. Dar eu cred acum c\u0103 tata \u0219tia.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Copila din mine mi-a venit \u00eentr-o zi cu vorbele tatei, de atunci:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

– Adu o cr\u0103ticioar\u0103, feti\u021b\u0103.<\/span><\/p>\n

– De ce?<\/span><\/p>\n

– S\u0103 punem ni\u0219te ap\u0103 proasp\u0103t\u0103, s\u0103 aib\u0103 sufle\u021belul sor\u0103-tii ce s\u0103 bea c\u00e2nd vine la noapte s\u0103 ne vad\u0103.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00cel priveam cu ochi mari, l\u0103crim\u00e2nzi de bucurie.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

– Vine?<\/span><\/p>\n

– Dar bine\u00een\u021beles.<\/span><\/p>\n

– E\u0219ti sigur?<\/span><\/p>\n

– Da\u2019 \u021bi-a zis t\u0103ticul t\u0103u vreodat\u0103 prostii? C\u0103 m\u0103 \u0219i superi acuma, ce \u00eentrebare e asta?!<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00ce\u0219i lua mina aia de om serios \u0219i cunosc\u0103tor de adev\u0103ruri absolute. \u00cel credeam. \u00cel credeam din tot sufletul. M\u0103 duceam s\u0103 aduc ap\u0103 \u00eentr-o cr\u0103ticioar\u0103 alb\u0103, mititic\u0103, era preferata mea. De pe marginile ei \u0219tergeam cu degetele crema de vanilie din desele momente \u00een care f\u0103cea mama pr\u0103jituri c\u00e2nd \u00eenc\u0103 tr\u0103ia sor\u0103-mea.<\/span><\/p>\n

– Am \u0219i ni\u0219te ciocolat\u0103, vreau s\u0103 \u00eempart cu ea un p\u0103tr\u0103\u021bel.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

– Bravo, feti\u021b\u0103, o s\u0103 se bucure.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Punea cr\u0103ticioara pe balconul lui, unde ie\u0219ea s\u0103 fumeze mai des noaptea dec\u00e2t ziua. O punea pe un fund de lemn, iar l\u00e2ng\u0103 ea punea tot ce aduceam eu s\u0103 \u00eempart cu sor\u0103-mea: cubule\u021be de ciocolat\u0103 Africana, jum\u0103t\u0103\u021bi de c\u0103p\u0219uni, jum\u0103t\u0103\u021bi de biscui\u021bi, o bucat\u0103 de eugenie. A\u0219teptam cuminte peste noapte, \u00een col\u021bul meu de pe canapeaua din sufragerie. Diminea\u021ba m\u0103 duceam glon\u021b la el s\u0103 \u00eel rog s\u0103 deschid\u0103 u\u0219a la balcon – eram prea scund\u0103 – s\u0103 v\u0103d dac\u0103 a trecut pe acolo R. noaptea de dinainte. Trecuse. Ciocolata nu mai era, din c\u0103p\u0219uni r\u0103m\u00e2neau doar codi\u021bele, firimiturile din biscui\u021bi, un \u0219erve\u021bel mototolit cu care am dormit \u00een palme nop\u021bi \u00eentregi. Apa era b\u0103ut\u0103 jum\u0103tate. O luam de la cap\u0103t. Am f\u0103cut asta timp de patruzeci de zile. Tata mi-a spus de la \u00eenceput c\u0103 at\u00e2ta va dura. Num\u0103ram zilele cu team\u0103, dar m\u0103 bucuram de fiecare diminea\u021b\u0103 \u00een care aveam dovada c\u0103 trecuse pe la noi. Pl\u00e2ngeam cu tata \u0219i apoi ne vedeam fiecare de treaba lui. Aveam 10 ani. Tata avea 46.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Patruzeci de zile mi-au fost alinare. Tata mi-a f\u0103cut bine, azi \u0219tiu. M-a ajutat s\u0103 diger dispari\u021bia sor\u0103-mii \u00eentr-un timp \u00een care cumva \u0219tiam ce urma s\u0103 se \u00eent\u00e2mple. Murise, dar nu murise de tot. Nu plecase de tot, era \u00eenc\u0103 acolo, \u00eentr-o form\u0103 pe care nu \u0219tiam s\u0103 o definesc.<\/span><\/p>\n

Tata m-a f\u0103cut s\u0103 cred \u00een sufletele care r\u0103m\u00e2n chiar \u0219i dup\u0103 ce ne pierdem corpurile. \u0218i n-a\u0219 putea spune c\u0103 tata a fost un tip spiritual. Dar a avut o sclipire chiar c\u00e2nd m\u0103 sim\u021beam suspendat\u0103 pe o fr\u00e2nghie, f\u0103r\u0103 echilibru, deasupra lumii. Tot am c\u0103zut, dar am aterizat mai lin datorit\u0103 lui.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Tata mi-a f\u0103cut \u0219i bine. Iar binele \u0103sta valoreaz\u0103 acum tare mult pentru mine. Se zice c\u0103 Dumnezeu lucreaz\u0103 prin oameni. E emo\u021bionant s\u0103 \u0219tiu c\u0103 a lucrat \u0219i prin tata \u00eentr-un moment care sunt sigur\u0103 c\u0103 mi-a definit mare parte din empatia pe care o am azi fa\u021b\u0103 de tot ce m\u0103 \u00eenconjoar\u0103, \u0219i pe cea pe care o redescop\u0103r acum \u0219i o aplic fa\u021b\u0103 de mine. \u00centr-un moment care mi-a definit, cred, \u0219i t\u0103ria de a continua pe un drum pe care nu \u00eel vedeam clar \u0219i despre care – atunci – nu a\u0219 fi zis c\u0103 exist\u0103 – drumul \u00eenapoi spre mine.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Copila din mine \u00eenc\u0103 m\u0103 caut\u0103, ca s\u0103 o v\u0103d, ca s\u0103-i v\u0103d triste\u021bea cu care a crescut, ca s\u0103-i ascult fricile, s\u0103 o alin. Alinare. Copilul din mine caut\u0103 \u00eenc\u0103 alinare. Iar eu \u00eenc\u0103 \u00eenv\u0103\u021b s\u0103 \u00eei dau ceva ce i-a fost refuzat toat\u0103 via\u021ba. Ceva ce i-am refuzat \u0219i eu.\u00a0 Copila din mine…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":745,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"yes","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-743","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-confessions"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/eusuntdelia.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/mick-haupt-vWDudYEWxA4-unsplash-scaled.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/eusuntdelia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/743","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/eusuntdelia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/eusuntdelia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eusuntdelia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eusuntdelia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=743"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/eusuntdelia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/743\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":748,"href":"https:\/\/eusuntdelia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/743\/revisions\/748"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eusuntdelia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/745"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/eusuntdelia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=743"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eusuntdelia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=743"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eusuntdelia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=743"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}