\u00cen ultimul an am cobor\u00e2t \u00een ni\u0219te ad\u00e2ncuri despre care nu \u0219tiam c\u0103 m\u0103 str\u0103bat. Le-am l\u0103sat s\u0103 m\u0103 acopere cu tot ce nu am vrut vreodat\u0103 s\u0103 \u0219tiu \u0219i am reu\u0219it s\u0103 m\u0103 scutur de tot praful \u0219i s\u0103 \u00eel transform \u00een aur. Mai jos de at\u00e2t nu \u00eemi amintesc vreodat\u0103 s\u0103 fi fost.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Scriam anul trecut la un moment dat:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cObose\u0219ti. Nu mai po\u021bi lupta, nu mai ai energie. Vrei, \u00ee\u021bi dore\u0219ti, dar nu te mai ajut\u0103 nici corpul, nici sufletul, nici speran\u021ba. \u0218i te la\u0219i, te resemnezi cu g\u00e2ndul c\u0103 gata, asta a fost. P\u00e2n\u0103 aici.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u0218i a\u0219tep\u021bi s\u0103 se termine. \u00cenchizi ochii \u0219i a\u0219tep\u021bi sf\u00e2r\u0219itul \u0103la, cel de la cap\u0103tul luptei. \u00cel a\u0219tep\u021bi s\u0103 vin\u0103 \u00eencet, nedureros – c\u0103 la c\u00e2t a durut p\u00e2n\u0103 acum, ce ar putea s\u0103 mai doar\u0103? Nu mai are ce.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u0218i dup\u0103 ce te resemnezi, te preg\u0103te\u0219ti, respiri\u2026 atunci se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103. Ceva te trage din str\u0103funduri. \u00ce\u021bi pompeaz\u0103 pieptul. \u00ce\u021bi tresare inima, ca \u0219i cum abia acum cunoa\u0219te, pentru prima dat\u0103, via\u021ba. Ca \u0219i cum s\u0103 ajungi pe fundul pr\u0103pastiei e ceea ce aprinde lumina din tine. Ca \u0219i cum \u00eentre omopla\u021bi ai avut ascuns, dintotdeauna, un fitil cu senzori de ad\u00e2ncime, care se aprinde singur c\u00e2nd ajungi la cap\u0103t. C\u0103 \u00eentunericul \u0103la cu care te tot lup\u021bi, pe care \u00eel renegi, e al t\u0103u\u2026 s\u0103 \u00eel accep\u021bi, s\u0103 \u00eel vezi, s\u0103 \u00eel atingi, s\u0103 \u00eei permi\u021bi s\u0103 fie.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u0218i c\u00e2nd te opre\u0219ti din lupt\u0103, atunci se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103. Atunci \u00ee\u021bi trece firul vie\u021bii prin fa\u021ba ochilor, ca \u0219i cum ai muri. \u0218i-apoi ceva – tot din tine – te ridic\u0103. Ceva ce ai ignorat, ceva ce ai redus la t\u0103cere. Ceva ce a fost acolo tot timpul, dar nu l-ai v\u0103zut, pentru c\u0103 aveai m\u00e2inile ocupate cu s\u0103bii, urechile pline de zgomotul propriilor urlete de lupt\u0103, ochii a\u021binti\u021bi spre exterior. \u0218i c\u00e2nd ai atins cap\u0103tul, n-ai mai avut unde s\u0103 fugi. Te-ai atins. Te-ai v\u0103zut. Te-ai ajuns. Te-ai primit acas\u0103. \u0218i-apoi te ridici.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Poate d’aia se \u0219i nume\u0219te \u00cen\u0103l\u021bare.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mi se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 des s\u0103 tr\u0103iesc ce scriu, mai devreme sau mai t\u00e2rziu. Cuvintele (mele) chiar sunt o surs\u0103 inepuizabil\u0103 de magie. Ce pot s\u0103 zic cu certitudine e c\u0103 acel rock bottom de care m\u0103 temeam m-a propulsat \u00een(spre) mine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
36 e v\u00e2rsta la care m-am ridicat de la p\u0103m\u00e2nt \u0219i m-am apropiat mai mult de cer \u0219i cumva, m\u0103 \u00eentorc acolo \u00een fiecare sear\u0103, s\u0103 mai privesc \u0219i \u00een\u0103untru, \u0219i \u00een afar\u0103, s\u0103 mai eliberez din doliul pe care nu mi-am permis s\u0103 \u00eel simt at\u00e2\u021bia ani, s\u0103 m\u0103 \u00eencarc, s\u0103 revin. Doliul meu e ca o caracati\u021b\u0103 cosmic\u0103, se \u00eentinde gra\u021bios \u0219i cameleonic, se unduie\u0219te pe inelele lui Saturn, danseaz\u0103 cu umbra lui Jupiter \u0219i flirteaz\u0103 cu Venus. E caterinc\u0103 doliul meu, dar nu vreau s\u0103 \u00eel p\u0103strez. Iau ce are s\u0103 \u00eemi dea: claritate, drumul \u0103la anevoios de la furie la acceptare, de la “nu a fost” la “e ok c\u0103 nu a fost, c\u0103 uite acum cum e” \u0219i ajung u\u0219or u\u0219or la mBine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
36 e v\u00e2rsta la care am sim\u021bit c\u0103 am pierdut tot. Am tr\u0103it at\u00e2ta durere, \u00eenc\u00e2t nu credeam c\u0103 o s\u0103 ies \u00eentreag\u0103. \u0218i tot atunci am \u00een\u021beles c\u0103 tot ce am crezut pierdut se \u00eentoarce \u00eenapoi la mine, sub o form\u0103 sau alta, la timpul lor, \u00een ritmul lor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Cele mai multe episoade \u00een care m\u0103 priveam \u00een oglind\u0103 \u0219i nu m\u0103 recuno\u0219team, tot atunci le-am avut. La fel \u0219i episoade \u00een care m\u0103 priveam \u00een oglind\u0103 \u0219i \u00eemi pl\u0103cea at\u00e2t de tare ce vedeam, \u00eenc\u00e2t am \u00een\u021beles c\u0103 iubirea de sine e un obiectiv spre care nu avem cum s\u0103 tindem p\u00e2n\u0103 nu bif\u0103m “pl\u0103cutul de sine” \u00eent\u00e2i. Ca s\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi plac\u0103 de tine e nevoie s\u0103 faci pace cu tot ce nu \u00ee\u021bi d\u0103 pace, ale tale sau ale altora, de la tine sau de la al\u021bii.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
La 36 am g\u0103sit puterea s\u0103 accept ce nu pot schimba \u0219i s\u0103 dau voie oamenilor s\u0103 fie cine sunt \u0219i s\u0103 decid ce fac eu cu asta. Am g\u0103sit puterea de a-i privi pe ai mei cu at\u00e2ta \u00een\u021belegere, \u00eenc\u00e2t prin asta am ajuns s\u0103 m\u0103 iert \u0219i pe mine. Pentru c\u0103, desigur, everything is connected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Pentru mine, 36 a fost anul contrastelor: at\u00e2t de jos am fost \u0219i-apoi at\u00e2t de sus, \u00eenc\u00e2t am r\u0103mas cumva c-un col\u021b de suflet ag\u0103\u021bat de cer. De acolo scriu acum, dintr-un loc de lini\u0219te c\u0103utat\u0103 \u00eendelung \u0219i g\u0103sit\u0103, dup\u0103 cel mai mare zbucium, pe o b\u0103ncu\u021b\u0103 dintr-un col\u021b exterior de biseric\u0103, cu ciripit de grauri-tenori pe fundal \u0219i v\u00e2nt blajin de deschidere pe frunte, ca o m\u00e2ng\u00e2iere de Mam\u0103 Alb\u0103.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“In the end, we’re all just walking each other home”, zicea Ram Dass. \u0218i, vai, c\u00e2t\u0103 dreptate are! Am avut l\u00e2ng\u0103 mine oameni care m-au \u021binut de m\u00e2n\u0103 \u0219i care mi-au dat de la ei bucurie, sprijin, emo\u021bie, apropiere, c\u0103ldur\u0103. Oameni care m-au \u021binut \u00een bra\u021be \u0219i pe bra\u021be \u0219i pentru care mul\u021bumesc \u00een fiecare zi. Ce binecuv\u00e2ntare c\u0103 a l\u0103sat Dumnezeu pe p\u0103m\u00e2nt \u0219i oameni buni!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Din tot ce am tr\u0103it la 36, dou\u0103 mari lec\u021bii iau cu mine:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
1.\u3000\u00cen cel mai ad\u00e2nc \u00eentuneric, c\u00e2nd totul pare pierdut, las\u0103-te s\u0103 cazi, dar nu renun\u021ba la tine. Niciodat\u0103. C\u0103ci din c\u0103derea aia se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 \u00cen\u0103l\u021barea.
2.\u3000Minunile exist\u0103.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
R\u0103mas-bun, 36! Nu am avut \u00eenv\u0103\u021b\u0103tor mai dedicat dec\u00e2t tine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Bine ai venit, 37! Deja m\u0103 r\u0103sfe\u021bi \u0219i-mi place. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And the happiest of birthdays to you, kiddo, you God-blessed badass with a kind (and different) heart!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u00cen ultimul an am cobor\u00e2t \u00een ni\u0219te ad\u00e2ncuri despre care nu \u0219tiam c\u0103 m\u0103 str\u0103bat. Le-am l\u0103sat s\u0103 m\u0103 acopere cu tot ce nu am vrut vreodat\u0103 s\u0103 \u0219tiu \u0219i am reu\u0219it s\u0103 m\u0103 scutur de tot praful \u0219i s\u0103 \u00eel transform \u00een aur. Mai jos de at\u00e2t nu \u00eemi amintesc vreodat\u0103 s\u0103 fi fost….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":841,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"yes","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-839","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-confessions"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/eusuntdelia.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/06\/WhatsApp-Image-2026-06-16-at-21.40.26.jpeg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/eusuntdelia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/839","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/eusuntdelia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/eusuntdelia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eusuntdelia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eusuntdelia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=839"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/eusuntdelia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/839\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":842,"href":"https:\/\/eusuntdelia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/839\/revisions\/842"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eusuntdelia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/841"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/eusuntdelia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=839"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eusuntdelia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=839"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eusuntdelia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=839"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}