When my child cried
I used to take her hands into my own
to “shhh shhh” her
‘cause that’s what I knew best
“Please don‘t cry
I can’t deal with your pain
I have my own pain, bigger than yours,
‘cause I lost everything,
I just don’t know it yet.”

When my child got beaten up and cried
I declared war on the aggressor
then I took her in my arms and kept her safe
and sworn I’d never let anyone else harm her
“Please let me take care of you
‘cause I don’t know how to take care of myself first
I need you to be, for me to be”
and it was so wrong
I just did not know it back then

When my child pulled my hair 
and called me names
I used to cry and feel unworthy 
of love, of life itself
but then I forgave her 
‘cause she did not know better
or so I thought

When my child was asking for too much from me
and beat me ‘cause I was unable,
I struggled to make her wishes come true
‘cause she was my reason to live
Until one day
when she almost sacrificed me
and I opened my eyes
That’s when I realized, mom,
that my child was you
delia Poems

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